“I want to get married.” Was not what I expected to hear one humid late afternoon as spring transitioned into summer. It was only weeks before graduating and my mind was overflowing with all the cramming I was doing lately. Though with every little bit of extra information that it tried to absorb felt like more of it was trickling out. As much as I was dreading taking the exams I was more than looking forward to some relief from this all. “You want to do what now?” I asked taken back by the mere suggestion of what I thought I heard him just say. I felt myself recoiling from him and to the other side of the couch though I didn't have far to go since it was a loveseat while Sanguinello just laughed. “I want to get married.”
“Why? What we have right now is perfect. Why do you want to go and mess it all up?” I questioned as thoughts raced through my mind, whizzing around and buzzing in my ear. Like my parents’ marriage, my father cheated on my mother and had a child with another lady. What if I did get married to Sanguinello and he cheats on me? The thought of Sanguinello and another woman flashed upfront pushing everything else to the side. My stomach felt quesy as it dropped out while the mental picture of it branded itself deep inside my head. I guess it all played out on my face because soon I heard Sanguinello say “I’m not your father.”
“Well of course not obviously… Duh.” I replied to his statement as I tried to pass it off like I wasn’t thinking like that. “I won’t ever cheat on you.” He went on promising as he moved closer and closer to my tightly wound body. Glaring at him I grumbled “I hate when you do that.” By now Sanguinello was right up next to me, close enough for him to swiftly kiss my nose before I could “Do what? This?”
“No.” I looked away as I tried to curb a smile. “How about this? Do you hate when I do this?” He asked before quickly kissing my cheek. Pretending to sigh exasperatedly while trying to turn father away from him I rested my head on my arms as I bit my lip. Gently after nipping my earlobe he whispered “And this?” By now I could all but giggle as I tried unsuccessfully to stifle it as I looked up into his grinning face. “No you dolt! I mean get into my head. It’s like you know exactly what I am thinking sometimes.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? That we are all in tune with each other and things like that, etcetera, etcetera? ” Sanguinello asked as he begun to play with my hair completely preoccupied by it as if this whole conversation suddenly got boring. I’ll never get guys preoccupation with girl’s hair as I thought about the boys that liked to pull Indy’s hair whenever she wore it in pigtails in grade school “I guess if you want to look at it like that…” I replied totally unconvinced but who else would I want to really get me except for him? Quickly as I conceded I asked “Ok then, when?”
“How about right now? No waiting, no planning just right now.” Sanguinello said as he turned his fully attention back onto the conversation at hand. I considered his idea for a moment as Sanguinello impatiently waited for my answer. The idea of getting married without a wedding or eloping was rather tempting. During the months that my sister had been engaged we bore witness to her slowly becoming a rampaging bride as their wedding date crept closer. Although when it was finally over with I don’t think that I ever seen her as happy as she looked on her day, standing up the in front of everyone with Midnight. Maybe a little piece of me kind of wanted that too. But a larger part thought the idea of standing up there in front of a lot of people like that with all of their eyes on me was absolutely terrifying. It didn’t take long for my fear of social situations and their obligations to win out. “Sure let’s get married, right now.” I said feeling confident about my decision and the small fact that I wouldn’t have to explain repeatedly to my great aunt Bombay where she was and who all of those people where that kept talking to her like I did at my sister’s wedding. “Just so we are completely on the same page… We’re still child free by choice right? You’re not going to wake up tomorrow and decided that you want to be a father, right?” I asked trying to make sure that all of my ducks were in a row with this. Because the last thing I would ever want is to have a kid. I know most girls get baby fever whenever they see a cute baby but not me. Its not that I hated kids… Alright maybe I did but not everyone is perfect. Hey that reminds me I have to send Wisteria a congratulations card.
Quietly like another memory from a past life we were married that day. Neither one of our families were the wiser as we read our vows to each other. As the cold metal graced my finger as Sanguinello slipped the ring that we had only bought moments ago I had no regrets about our quiet wedding. We were barely pronounced husband and wife before I found myself being swept off my feet by Sanguinello as he lifted me up, crushing my body against his as he kissed me in a way that made me glad that it was not witnessed in a church by my parents especially my father and his aunt.
I have to admit that I never saw myself being one of those girls that flaunted her ring to all of her friends but nothing stopped me from doing so when I went back to school. I could barely fight the words from cheerfully popping out of my mouth at lunch with Can-Can as soon as I saw her “Oh my berry Can-Can! Sanguinello and I are married!” I squealed excitedly barely able to sit down as I told her all about it. But in doing so I made one minor mistake and before the sun cast its remaining rays as it slipped away I received a phone call from my parents. And they were not happy to say the least.
“How could you go and do something like that Starry? Don’t you think you’re mother always dreamed of the day she got to see you walk down the aisle?” My father’s voice boomed through my cell angrier than I think I’ve ever heard him before. I could tell he had me on speaker phone in his office though my mother didn’t say much so my father took it upon himself to speak her feelings for her. “How could you be so selfish like that? I would have paid for any wedding you wanted, in any destination in the world had you just asked! Just wait till later on tonight, you’re poor mother! She didn’t get to see her youngest daughter get married. Are you happy? That you’re going to make your mother cry?” He roared while I held the phone away from my ear, wincing with every word before Sanguinello plucked it out of my hand.
“Good evening sir!” He yelled loudly back into the phone as he winked at me and bravely said “I’m going to have to ask you to refrain from yelling at my wife…. Yes I know she is your daughter, but she is now my wife and I’m not going to let anyone treat her in a way that is less than desirable…. Yes, I am sure you probably could…. No I was not being sarcastic or talking back to you…. Well at any rate it is her life and she can live it the way she wants to.” I didn’t hear the rest of the conversation since Sanguinello walked outside with my cell closing the door behind him. But my heart did swell with pride that he was my knight in shining armor, saving me from my father’s wrath as he dealt with it head on taking the brunt of it himself.
By the time he got off the phone with him I was upstairs pacing while waiting to hear what was all said to each other and he didn’t keep me waiting after he had come upstairs. “Everything is fine, your family is just a little miffed but I might have promised them that one day in near the future that we would have a very, very small real wedding with a cake. Is that ok?” Sanguinello ask as he gingerly crossed the threshold of the room to me before he begun to fiddle with his ring again. “Only if the guest list is less than twenty people.” I said almost reluctantly as I envisioned it becoming something like I had intended to avoid when Sanguinello and I got married alone in the first place.
After graduation I found a job working at the art gallery in the south end of Briocheporte. It wasn’t much but it was helping me hedge my way in to maybe one day having my own painting here to displayed and sold. My social circle was also expanding a bit more as I met and hung out during downtime with some of my co-workers. One of my favorites though didn’t work at the gallery; he was one of those bike messengers that you could often see zipping around town on their bicycles, weaving in and out through traffic as if they were invincible. His name was Leaf and he had the unusual tendency to make me laugh as he would whisper witty though not necessarily nice things about some of the clientele that frequented the gallery every Friday afternoon right after lunch. He had hair that reminded me of the dandelions that would grow back home in the yard and eyes the color of tree bark. All and all he wasn’t that bad looking at all and I honestly felt really flattered that he conversed with me so often. Of course one of my co-workers seemed to think that Leaf had a thing for me since out of everyone there I was the only one that he said more than a few words to before leaving to speed away to another delivery on his bike.
I didn’t think anything of until I found the two of us sort of confessing our dreams to each other. Mine was not surprising but Leaf’s… Leaf wanted to be a singer. It was during a show at the gallery that he told me this. I was taking a break outside from serving cocktails and little fancy bit sized foods. I don’t know what he was doing there since it was well after what should have been his working hours but there he was out of his little messenger uniform looking suave and there I was not taking his dreams of singing seriously. “You don’t think I can sing do you?” Leaf exclaimed to me with fake indignation as I laughed at the almost cartoony way that he furrowed his eyebrows all the way up his forehead in shock. I barely could get out a no before he accepted the challenge and jumped up as fluidly as a cat onto the concrete barrier that was outside the gallery.
I don’t know what he was doing there on a Friday night but there he was standing up there as he cleared his throat dramatically obviously enjoying my attention on him and the other eyes that swept up to him in curiosity to see what he was up to. He always had a certain smile that was always tugging on his lips like he was about to let you in on some inside joke that would always have anyone smiling back, even I couldn’t help as I found myself grinning back at him in anticipation.
♫ I don't care if Monday's blue, Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too, Thursday I don't care about you, It's Friday, I'm in love♫
♫ Monday you can fall apart, Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart, Oh, Thursday doesn't even start, It's Friday I'm in love♫
As he sung a song from our childhood I began to notice that every time he sung a certain chorus he would stare directly at me. ♫It’s Friday I’m in love♫ Leaf belted out with a large grin at me. It is Friday I realized as a blush began to quickly spread as my heart skipped a beat before speeding up, pounding away in my chest as I continued to look up and watch him.
Though it wasn’t for much longer as I soon heard my name called by a voice that immediately made me ashamed of just about everything that was going on right now and what I was feeling about someone else.The look on his face as I turned around after hearing my name spoke was almost heartbroken as confusion muddled it. My heart beat in my ears, echoing loudly as it tried its hardest to drown out all of the other noise in between us “Starry whats going on?” Sanguinello asked while Leaf void of my attention jumped down from where he was and briskly walked over. Tongue tied I couldn’t answer him because I think in the back of my head I knew where Leaf was going with all of this as soon as he sung the first course.
“Hey guy what’s up, I’m Leaf. What’s your name?” He asked my husband but Sanguinello gave him no acknowledgement for a few moments as he just looked at me with his brow knitted together as his eyes seemed to see right through me. “My name is Sanguinello. I’m Starry’s husband.” Sanguinello replied in a toneless voice holding my gaze as he continued on. As the emotions melted from his face the new look that replaced it reminded me of a night not too long ago when I saw him literally go crazy before my very eyes and beat the pulp out of this guy before he had to be forced home so he didn’t do any more damage to him. “I just wanted to see when Starry’s next break was so I could bring her some dinner and we could eat together. But since it’s already her break I guess I’ll just head home then”
“You can stay!” I exclaimed quickly without a second glance at Leaf but Sanguinello surprised me and just shook his head “No from the looks of it, it will be over soon. So I’ll just see you when you get home ok?” He said before lightly kissing my forehead. As Sanguinello walked away leaving Leaf and I in a wake of silence, his shoulders were squared as he walked with his head high before Leaf looked over at me. “You never told me that you were married.” Leaf said quietly as he watched Sanguinello walk away. “You never asked what I was, you just assumed that I wasn’t. Even with a ring you though I wasn't.” I replied levelly while I watched my husband disappear but not before seeing his shoulders slump down when I guess Sanguinello thought that he was out of view.
Leaf left before my break was over and I didn’t blame him or try to get him to stay. I walked a fine line with our relationship this whole time and tonight it felt like it was on the verge of crossing it. I never in a million years would want to hurt Sanguinello but it went to my head every time that Leaf would stroll through the gallery’s doors and lavish all of his attention on me. By the end of the showing I wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in bed with Sanguinello, washing away tonight for a few hours while we slept. But when I got home he just pulled away from and stupidly I asked if he was mad at me.
“I don’t know, I’m just feeling a lot of things right now. I don’t want to be that jealous guy that gets all pissed off when someone shows their wife the time of day. But I could tell from the way he looked at you that he really liked you and you kind of looked like you were looking the same way at him. I’m just so scared to lose you Starry.” He said hesitantly as he sat outside on the edge of one the lounge chairs looking more than perplexed as he studied every detail of the balcony just to avoid me, a sharp change from the guy who looked me right in the eyes only two hours ago. “Sanguinello, I love you and only you. You know that right?” I questioned almost desperately but it was true. There was only one guy that my heart belonged to and it was him. He was my first in so many ways that what I felt for him I don’t think I could ever accurately sum into words. As Sanguinello finally looked at me he gave me a small crooked smile while pulling me over by my hand to kiss me briefly before he pulled away but only by an inch “Yeah, I know you do. I’m just being stupid about this and a lot of things. Don’t worry about me. Guess what? I got a job interview down at the animation studio.”
Now back at work Leaf avoided me like the plague and I was somewhat ok with that but honestly I did miss talking to him. Things at home however seemed like they were on an unstoppable downfall. We found out from Fina that his parents recently had another son and that under no circumstances Sanguinello was supposed to have any contact with them or his new brother. I wish I could say that he took this in stride but in reality he just crumbled for a while as he moped around our place some more since he never got a call back after his interview. Lately Sanguinello had a very short fuse one that even I wasn’t immune to it seemed like anymore. I tried to be patient but it wasn’t always easy having my head bitten off for no reason at all and I in turn would lash right back at him which would ensue one of our larger fights. Fights that would go on for days as our apartment seemed to become some sort of warzone that the both of us crept around quietly side stepping the eggshells while avoiding the other during the times we weren’t speaking to each other.
But things got better and once the initial shock and hurt of his parent’s behavior began to wear off he started to act like his old self again and things started to go back to the way they were. We made it through our first rough patch still in one piece though our edges were a bit frayed and cracked, as we nursed our proverbial wounds that we had given each other in the heat of an argument. In a moment of attempting to patch things up between us I bought him a chain to hang his ring on since he fiddled and fidgeted the blasted thing whenever he was lost in his own thoughts which seemed like always these days. “Here I got you a chain.” I said presenting it as I pulled it out of the box it came in so I could hand it to him. “Since I know you don’t really like wearing rings.”
“Oh… I guess you noticed me doing that. Yeah um rings always feel like they are strangling my fingers at any size they are.” Sanguinello said sheepishly as he took the chain and slide the ring on. Helping him with the clasp I didn’t remove my arms from around him when I was done. Its funny how quickly in an instant one could go with their feelings. One moment you're on the verge of hating each other and the next moment you can't bare the thought of living with out the other. But in this particular small moment of calm just sitting here with him on the lounge chair together feeling the slight breeze in the night's air Sanguinello smiled at me as his ring now rested on his chest, glinting in the light that shined from inside and I didn’t want it to end just yet.